Learning

I am learning so many things about myself lately. I am learning about who I have become compared to who I used to be. I am beginning to realize the change that God has made in my life from the time I was 13 and completely dedicated my life to God to where I am now at 21 years old. I have had a lot of reflection on "journey" lately and I have been aware now than ever of the journey that I have been on and the that I continue to travel.

One of the definitions of "journey" is a passage or progress from one stage to another. I look at the stage of my life where I was discovering my gifts and my talents and trying to figure out where that fit in my journey and how God wants to use those in my journey. I look at the stage in my life where I was learning to share about Christ and where a desire to know more about His Word and understand things such as Theology and Doctrine emerged in my life. Then I look at the stage where I was blessed to be immersed in the Word of God for well over eight hours a day and I was given opportunities to share the life that Christ had given me with literally thousands of people. Then there was a bit of an inbetween stage ... which may have been the most important so far. I got a year of practical, hands-on ministry in a church, that even though I certainly don't always agree with, has an incredible ministry to the young people of Maple Valley; my eyes were definetely opened to God's call for me to be in vocational ministry. Then I took a step of faith into the part of this journey that I am on now to learn more about ministry and music and, really, life. I am getting the technical aspects (music classes such as theory and ear training), the practical aspects (choir, Hosanna, SGCing), and the challanging aspects of life and how to mend all of these passions and gifts and talents together to best serve our Lord.

The most interesting part for me to observe of my journey thus far is how I have become more who I am meant to be over time, and will continue to become more of who Christ desires for me to be. I look at my personality and who I was (or tried to be) when I was in junior high. There was this outgoing, loud, boisterous girl who always just wanted to lead. I didn't always know when it was my time to be led; but I learned through those times. Then there was the time that I was just the music girl ... all the time, every where, music was just what I did and what I was known for. I learned in this time a little more about leading and being led and being teachable, but I certainly did not (and of course still do not) always know the time to lead and the time to support. Then I went through two years of rigorous stretching and teaching and growing and molding through pain and struggles and hard times and immense hurt. Now here I am, the product of these stages of life, still going through a stage where I am certain, and I definetely pray, that I will be a drastically different person on the other end of this. I have quieted down. I have learned to follow and support. I have learned the right time to speak up and the right time to lead. I have learned to think before I speak. I have learned to observe and absorb.

Now I want to find what it is the God wants to mold in me now, though I'm not sure I will figure that out until the other side of this stage. I want to be pliable in the hands of my Lord, willing to be changed and molded into the woman He wants me to be. I want to be His and only His and just rest in His hands.